The Office of the Presidential Envoy for Interfaith and Ecumenical Relations has directed all religious leaders to submit their prophecies for government review, making Ghana the first nation in the world to have a “Customs and Excise Division for Spiritual Imports.”
This move will go down in the Guinness Book of Heavenly Records.
You must now complete Form P-666 in triplicate, attach two passport photos of the angel who gave you the vision, and bring it to the Elvis Afriyie Ankrah Prophecy Verification Desk before you can inform your congregation that a coconut falling from the Jubilee House tree will topple the President.
Depending on whether the Holy Spirit is in queue for “Express Service,” processing time can range from three to forty days.
Following a tragic accident involving government officials, military personnel, and NDC executives, a new spiritual bureaucracy has somehow emerged as a result of the national mourning that followed the incident.
Although the government maintains that it is about “peace and prosperity,” some Ghanaians believe it is also about ensuring God’s press releases are appropriately edited before printing.
But the Pentecostal movement is having a field day with critics. Tweeted by Kojo Memsah:
“So, we are now going to spend taxpayers’ money to feed charlatans who announce fake prophecies? We could just buy them Netflix subscriptions instead”.
“Why don’t we just give the country to religious leaders outright?” enquired another Ghanaian wag. After all, the subcommittee on African affairs at Heaven is already partially in charge of governance under this new system.
But why spend billions on STEM schools, universities, and brain-research labs only to have a national think tank that is powered by visions, dreams, and a man in Berekum who claims to have seen the vice president’s political future in his morning bowl of koko? Potholes don’t speak in tongues, so at this rate, we might as well fix the Accra–Kumasi Road and eliminate the education budget completely.
According to some hopefuls, this might finally give Ghana’s prophecy market some structure. Pastors will soon have official prophecy licenses with expiration dates and QR codes to verify their legitimacy. Others worry that the procedure could become tainted: “For a small facilitation fee,”
“We can make sure your prophecy passes review—even if it’s about a meteor hitting Parliament on Tuesday,” muttered an unnamed church elder.
The first officially recognized national prophecy, which is said to involve a white horse, a gas cylinder and a state minister seen purchasing used wigs in Kantamanto, is anticipated with great excitement on the streets.
Naturally, whether or not the prophecy survives the Presidential Envoy’s red pen will determine the truth.
In Ghana, where we used to import used clothing, we now import used visions that have been repackaged for domestic use.
